Open letter to ants

I know that you guys help do good things in the soil and all that. Plus you were kinda fun to watch in "Antz" and "A Bug's Life."

But you have your territory, and I have mine.

We need to lay down the law about these boundaries. Why can't you enjoy the great outdoors? You get plenty of sunshine, there's plenty of junk on the ground to eat, and I'll try my darndest not to bother you. Heck, if you want, you can even help yourself to our curbside garbage can before I bring it out for the trucks to haul it away.

However, when you come into the house, that is when I will declare war. No holds barred, no quarter given. You won't be safe from poison, the vacuum cleaner, damp paper towels, or even my preferred method, the pad of my thumb. I have crushed more of your kind than I would like to admit. In some parts of the house, I even leave some spiders alone so that they can feast on you. Last night's massacre left a long trail of ant parts across the hallway... and yet I find you again in my sink when I go to brush my teeth this morning.

Take a hint, will you? Stay away. Are the crumbs on that dishrag really worth dying for?

Think about it.

Bob