For such a time as this...

In the Book of Esther in the Bible, we see the story of a young Jewish woman who is chosen to be Queen. When a treacherous member of the King's court manipulates the King into issuing a royal decree against the Jewish people, her father challenges her to go to the King and plead on her people's behalf. When she hesitates with a certain sense of fear and trepidation, he says this:

"Do not think that because you are in the king's house you alone of all the Jews will escape. For if you remain silent at this time, relief and deliverance for the Jews will arise from another place, but you and your father's family will perish. And who knows but that you have come to royal position for such a time as this?" - Esther 4:13-14

I read the story of Esther this past Tuesday morning, and headed off to work with the last few words - "for such a time as this" - ringing in my head. In the context of Esther, this challenge was a reminder of God's sovereignty - at times throughout history and in people's lives, He will strategically orchestrate events in order to demonstrate His will. Little did I know that this lesson would take on more significance later in the day.

The Layoff
As I got into the office and checked my email, I noticed a meeting request calling me into a session with the CEO. About half an hour later, I got together in the large conference room with 13 other people in the company and learned that we had been laid off. My career at Caw Networks/Spirent Communications, where I had started fresh out of college, had come to an end after two years and two months.

I was admittedly a bit shaken during the entire time between the initial notice and finally heading out the door. It came completely out of nowhere, as my department (quality assurance) had been understaffed for nearly half a year and we were actually looking to hire people. On top of that, I was stunned when I saw my fellow test engineer come into the room where the rest of the casualties were - essentially, we were the bulk of testing on our products. I don't know how the company is planning to put out a quality product now that they got rid of the guys who were primarily responsible for the quality.

I won't miss the specific work I was doing so much as I'll miss the people I was working with - I really enjoyed the rapport that I had developed over time with much of the engineering team. Periodically, we'd get together in the back of the building to grill hot dogs and sausages for lunch; I worked out regularly with a couple of friends, and there were numerous enjoyable and stimulating conversations to be had while eating or lifting. Plus, everyone was extremely helpful and patient with me as I came in as a new grad out of college, helping me learn the ropes and teaching me how to be a professional. I'll do my best to stay in touch with friends there.

Thanks to everyone who emailed or called with kind thoughts, advice, and prayers.

Next steps
So what now? The last few days have been quite eventful. I started feeling overwhelmed on Tuesday with the layoff, and that feeling hasn't abated much over the past few days.

At Men's Group this week, we went out to get some dessert at Denny's, where each guy offered their thoughts on what I should do with my newfound freedom. The suggestions ranged from the normal to the off-the-wall - buy a new guitar, go on a road trip, visit the East Coast, go to basketball playoff games, fly the Concorde before it gets retired, tour Europe... I also had initial ideas of things such as taking community college classes for golf, learning Chinese and/or Spanish, taking voice/guitar lessons, getting started on the list of books that I've been meaning to read (Tolstoy, a few other ones recommended by friends)...

As it turns out, the route I take may be right back into the working world. On Tuesday, the day I got laid off, my dad talked to his boss, who talked to a small company that he's investing in, and through the magic of connections, I went into a small garage in Milpitas Tuesday night to interview with Protego Networks, a small (13-person) startup in the network security space. Likely based primarily on the referral, they brought me back in on Wednesday afternoon for a second, more rigorous 3 hour interview, and then expressed interest in having me join the team as a test engineer. I'll likely be saying yes.

Since the company is still in startup mode, this means just about no PTO and 12-hr workdays, along with some Saturdays, for at least the next half year or so. Taking on this endeavor will also require a certain re-ordering of my personal life - I'll likely not be able to make men's group on any kind of a consistent basis (I'm hoping for once a month) and I probably won't be able to make it to youth group on Fridays anymore, so in the latter case I'm praying about the possibility of maybe being involved with youth Sunday School. Since I'll still have some of my Saturdays and most of my Sundays, I intend to continue leading worship and handling my responsibilities as a deacon. Won't be able to make it out to weekday hoops for the forseeable future either - but that tradition was going to go through some transition anyway.

If you've read this far, you're probably either a pretty good friend of mine, or you have a high tolerance for boredom.

How did I get to this decision? To be honest, it hasn't been very easy. The last few days, with multiple interviews, talks with my parents and other people that I trust, time spent wrestling in prayer... it hasn't been particularly restful, even if I wasn't "working". I could feel multiple struggles taking place within me - the desire to have some time off (which I had been planning on since a hectic first third of this year), the desire to possibly explore new things like biotechnology/grad school and some of the aforementioned ideas from men's group, the reluctance to so radically change my weekly routine and sacrifice the opportunity to see friends and family on the weekdays... it'd help explain why I've been up till 3 am the past few nights.

There have been plenty of reasons that I've discussed and heard from parents and others, on both sides of the coin - this looks like a pretty good company, I got a good vibe from the time I spent there interviewing... another reason was coming back to an axiom that I heard from Byron a long while ago - something to consider, when making a fairly significant decision, is to ask, "What can I do now that I won't be able to do later?" My entire life up to this point has been very "safe" - I've never known true hardship, and never really had to push myself and work hard and be disciplined for an extended period of time. My dad tends to speak favorably of his experiences in both the military and a startup company, as environments that helped to shape his character. In addition, logistically speaking, as a young, single guy, there isn't a much better time in my life to have this kind of experience - I have no family that I'll be sacrificing, time-wise, no "significant other"-type relationship I need to maintain, and I'm young and (presumably) strong enough to recover if things don't go exactly as planned.

However, what it's all kind of boiled down to is this - as a believer in a God who knows what He's doing, I believe there's a reason why I got laid off, and that perhaps this time in my life is an opportunity to take a step in faith to allow God to work in me something that I wouldn't have gotten had I stayed at my previous position. I don't believe it's a coincidence that I was reading the story of Esther, an ordinary woman strategically placed in order to be used in an extraordinary way, this past Tuesday morning when I lost my job. Whether this path that I'm taking is the correct one to take, remains to be seen. If I've learned any lesson from the past seven years of being a follower of Jesus Christ, I've learned that often, it takes some time and the benefit of wisdom looking back to truly see the path God carves out for His followers. Hopefully by now, I'm hearing His guiding voice a bit more clearly... but either way, I can only do what I can. Proverbs 3:5-6 writes,"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight."

I trust that God knows what He's doing, and I'm going to continue to strive to get closer to Him on a daily basis. Further down the line, that might confirm this path, or move me to a new one. Either way, I'm going to enjoy God and His presence in my life, and strive to make that known to others.

If you've read all of this... thank you. If you're a fellow believer in Christ... if you have the time, please pray for me... I'm still rather emotionally wrung out. Exciting times are ahead. There'll undoubtedly be rough patches, but would life be worth living without them?

Perhaps I've come to this position for such a time as this...

We shall see.