Frail
If I was not so weak / If I was not so cold / If I was not so scared of being broken, growing old / I would be frail - Jars of Clay
One important lesson I've been trying to learn ever since starting this new job is the concept of frailty. Maybe it's a side effect of turning 25, maybe I'm not taking care of myself the way I should be, but whatever it is, in this past month or so, I've had the opportunity to ponder my own human weakness.
In my June 3 post, I wrote a bit about understanding my mental and spiritual weakness. I believe I'm still constantly being broken down and built up, little by little, in these areas. I think my overall attitude has improved to the point where I actually look forward to some of the challenges of the day at the office, and that's a blessing.
In the past 2 weeks, I think I've been experiencing more on the physical weakness side. I mentioned in an earlier post about my bout with vertigo... nothing like losing control of your sense of equilibrium to make you feel helpless. Recently, I've been experiencing pain in my forearms, primarily in my left one. While it doesn't appear to be carpal tunnel (probably more akin to tennis elbow - an inflammation of either the muscle or the tendon), it does cause me some discomfort and... well, fear. Fear that I'll have to spend my professional life "managing" a level of pain. Fear that it might affect my ability to play the guitar.
Early last week, I went home from work frustrated again, like I did my first week. This time, however, it wasn't from resentment at the necessary tradeoff of free time and opportunities for work... instead it was frustration from the fact that I needed to go home not because I was mentally exhausted, but because I was physically sore.
I don't really know what brought it about. Over this past half year I've tried to become much more conscious of my computing ergonomics... I haven't really traced it back to any one cause. It could be cumulative from lots of things.
It's definitely not fun being physically limited. On the one hand, I think I'm appreciating things more - the fact that my right arm is basically okay, that I still have all my limbs and that I'm basically healthy, the fact that Advil is an effective painkiller... but on the other... yeah, things could be better.
If I was not so weak / If I was not so cold / If I was not so scared of being broken, growing old / I would be frail - Jars of Clay
One important lesson I've been trying to learn ever since starting this new job is the concept of frailty. Maybe it's a side effect of turning 25, maybe I'm not taking care of myself the way I should be, but whatever it is, in this past month or so, I've had the opportunity to ponder my own human weakness.
In my June 3 post, I wrote a bit about understanding my mental and spiritual weakness. I believe I'm still constantly being broken down and built up, little by little, in these areas. I think my overall attitude has improved to the point where I actually look forward to some of the challenges of the day at the office, and that's a blessing.
In the past 2 weeks, I think I've been experiencing more on the physical weakness side. I mentioned in an earlier post about my bout with vertigo... nothing like losing control of your sense of equilibrium to make you feel helpless. Recently, I've been experiencing pain in my forearms, primarily in my left one. While it doesn't appear to be carpal tunnel (probably more akin to tennis elbow - an inflammation of either the muscle or the tendon), it does cause me some discomfort and... well, fear. Fear that I'll have to spend my professional life "managing" a level of pain. Fear that it might affect my ability to play the guitar.
Early last week, I went home from work frustrated again, like I did my first week. This time, however, it wasn't from resentment at the necessary tradeoff of free time and opportunities for work... instead it was frustration from the fact that I needed to go home not because I was mentally exhausted, but because I was physically sore.
I don't really know what brought it about. Over this past half year I've tried to become much more conscious of my computing ergonomics... I haven't really traced it back to any one cause. It could be cumulative from lots of things.
It's definitely not fun being physically limited. On the one hand, I think I'm appreciating things more - the fact that my right arm is basically okay, that I still have all my limbs and that I'm basically healthy, the fact that Advil is an effective painkiller... but on the other... yeah, things could be better.
posted by Bob at
8:58 PM
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