Snapshot

A Polaroid of my life...

Weekend recap

Saturday, had praise band practice (always refreshing to meet with that bunch of folks), then headed up to Richmond to hang out with the 5824 guys for Cal's b'day. Meat, sports, and hanging out with a bunch of old school college fellowship folk like 5824, Isaac, Phuoc, Howie, Audrey, Jimmy, Gina, Seri, Andy and Pam Y, and some others that I'm forgetting... good times. We're all supposed to be grown up now.

Afterwards, headed back down to Joy's place for her housewarming. Dinner was almost Atkins style, all veggies and meats and very little white rice in sight. Several people commented that the lamb chops didn't have the gamey aftertaste. We played a round of "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus" and had fun psychoanalyzing everyone. For me, the guys and girls had to guess my answer to the question:

In a conversation with a woman, I prefer that she is:
a) silent
b) challenging
c) agreeing with me
d) none of the above

(Answer at bottom of post)

At Sunday School, Sandra gave a talk on stress based off her personal experience and her observations as a psychiatrist. A saying that I liked: "God's ability to shepherd us is far greater than our ability to follow."

Played ball for the first time in a month on Sunday after church (aside from "Around the World" against myself while talking to God at WCC) and shot okay from range, but couldn't hit layups and couldn't play defense worth a darn. Pastor Dan's former youth kid (IV staffer in LA) schooled me with step-back jumpers.

Looking forward to going to Tahoe this weekend.

Answer to "Mars... Venus" question: B. What can I say, I like conversation that stretches boundaries.

Quick WCC recap

Went to WCC this past weekend in the Santa Cruz Mountains. I'm usually not terribly enthusiastic about most conferences; however, this is one that I heartily recommend as it provides an excellent balance of teaching, life-applicable challenges, prayer, worship, and fellowship. Taken from the website: "The World Christian Conference (WCC) is a conference to encourage believers in their efforts to become strategically involved in God’s plan of making disciples of all nations. WCC addresses practical issues of integrating the World Christian vision into the life of the believer."

I initially wasn't planning to go, as my church has gone through a video series by the plenary speaker before (Bob Sjogren from Unveilinglory) and I thought that it would likely be most of the same material rehashed again. However, considering the mental and spiritual state that I'm in (see previous post) and seeing that this year's conference would focus on helping conferees take "next steps", I felt that it would be a good idea to go. While some of the teaching was in fact similar to what I had learned before, it was still challenging, and also had opportunities to meet and learn from others who are living out God's current purpose for them in the world. Here are a couple of memorable items / new lessons / significant challenges:

- How well do believers know the Biblical truth that being in heaven with God is infinitely better than whatever this life can offer? If we do understand this, how willing are we to play out our role in God's plan, even if it means being like Job's children, who died and were taken to heaven early so that Job could learn a lesson in faithfulness?

- How do we deal with the culture of self-centered "me-ology" (as opposed to theology) that has permeated the church? In other words, rather than asking "What can God do for me?" or "What can my church do for me?", can we teach believers to ask, "How can I live my life to bring maximum glory to God, no matter the sacrifice (job, family, lifestyle, country)?"

- To be a good steward of the time, resources, and money that God has given, He wants us to use it to bless others so that His name might be known.

- Just because you believe God has called you to something doesn't mean that He doesn't have the prerogative to change that calling. God calls everyone to respond when He directs, even if you're already going something else. Personally, this has challenged me to consider going overseas for a short-term missions trip whereas before I always felt that I'd more likely minister in the inner-city of America.

- Inspiring time at the inner-city ministry workshop hearing stories of God working through brothers and sisters in house churches to transform inner-city neighborhoods. Reawakened previous dreams of working with the poor on a regular basis (perhaps in some sort of rehab program) and/or being part of a church plant.

- The Asian Christian world is a small one. In my small group alone, had a former missions teammate of my college roomie, a bio teacher from my high school alma mater that apparently works with the bio teacher I had (do you call high school an "alma mater" or is it just college?), and a college friend of some friends from Canaan. We had some lively discussions. The worship leader knew Dave Chian from the old-school Canaan days.

- New songs:
Fairest Lord Jesus and Joyful, Joyful We Adore Thee (what can I say, I like the redone hymns)
Sing to the King
There is a Louder Shout To Come

The sand, the water, and the horizon

I've always been more of a mountain person than an ocean person.

Not sure why... perhaps because I was born in Utah, or that one of my favorite places is the Yosemite Valley, or that spending my formative years in NorCal didn't exactly lend itself to warm beaches... but I've always enjoyed being in the mountains. The trees, the air, the exertion from hiking, marvelling at the view from the top - I enjoy all these things.

Spent this past weekend in a beach condo in Watsonville for a retreat with the team of deacons from my church, and I think it lent some insight to my worldview at the moment and a possible explanation of my mountain-over-ocean preference. The retreat itself was a wonderful time of relaxing, enjoying the great weather, and spending time with the other deacons and their families (many of whom I don't interact much with on a regular basis). We also spent time in prayer for the chu, and discussed some ministry matters, but the latter was kept somewhat to a minimum as that wasn't really the purpose of the retreat. Ate tons of food, and I think this past Sunday I made a personal sports breakthrough - I think I finally figured out how to throw a spiral with a football. Yes, it did in fact take me this long. While I was tossing the pigskin around on the beach with Dr. James, on a whim, tried widening my grip, and lo and behold began lofting some spirals. Still can't throw them on a rope, but one thing at a time.

As we were hanging out on the beach, I spent some time in prayer, meditation, and thought. I'm woefully late in doing some writing about lessons and themes in my life from 2003, and it'll probably be a little while yet. In general though, I feel that last year was very much of an "equipping" type of season in my life - working at a startup taught me the ins and outs of a company, and serving as a deacon helped teach some of the ins and outs of a church community. I feel that I've been blessed with the opportunity to experience more growth in these areas than most college graduates with 3 years of experience in the "real world," even though it's been tough.

I believe now that God is leading me into a season of actively seeking the next step in my life. What am I being equipped for? To whom and with whom will I minister to make an eternal impact? Seek, ask, knock... to "wait on God" is definitely not a passive exercise, and it's my desire to pray, look into Scripture, listen to counsel from friends and family, and look at circumstances (in that order) to see what God may be leading me into.

A couple of quotes from the Experiencing God workbook (Blackaby) that I've been going through during my devotional times. Incidentally, the workbook started out pretty slow for me but has become very relevant and insightful in recent units:

"I want Thy plan, O God, for my life. May I be happy and contented whether in the homeland or in the foreign field; whether married or alone, in happiness or sorrow, health or sickness, prosperity or adversity - I want Thy plan, O God, I want it, oh I want it!" - Oswald J Smith

"Lord, send me anywhere, only go with me.
Lay any burden on me, only sustain me.
Sever any tie but the tie that binds me to Thyself." - Dr. David Livingstone

In the past, I've recognized in me a certain envy of those who know their specific purpose. I believe that all people are called to obey, honor, and delight in God as Lord and Savior; I also believe that God calls his people to specific purposes so that He can use them in the work that He's doing. I've seen friends called to the mission field, to the workplace, to lead families or to be single, but they were able to live their lives with that specific purpose in mind. This made decision-making easier, times of trial and difficulty (such as med school) easier to deal with, and finding like-minded people in a spouse or in a church a clearer endeavor. During those times where I didn't know where I was going or what I was going to do, I had to struggle hard to battle the temptation to envy those who knew what God had called them to, and instead to be quieted by the knowledge that God enjoys both the purpose that He's bringing me to, and the process of bringing me to be effective in that purpose. It hasn't been easy on my side though.

As I reflected on these things at the beach, an insight came to mind. I theorized that one reason why I consider myself a "mountain person" is because to me, they represent concrete challenges. While hiking up a mountain isn't easy, I've learned to enjoy the exertion and effort, while knowing when to stop and enjoy the view, with the always-present hope of the peak at the end of my journey. Upon reaching the top, I've learned to look back on the path that took me there and be amazed at how far I've come. In the same way, a concrete challenge can be easier to handle because there is the hope of reaching the peak.

Right now my perspective is more like standing on the shore and looking out at the ocean. The horizon yawns in front of me, and I can't see where it begins or ends. There's a great big unknown beyond the wavebreakers. Likewise, I'm reaching the point where professionally and personally, I'm beginning to reevaluate whether where I am and what I am doing is the most effective for God's kingdom, and it's a great big unknown. Frankly, it's a bit unsettling not having a concrete challenge in front of me, like learning the startup ropes or leading a church ministry, one that I know I can bear down on and do my best to do well. Waiting on God takes a lot of effort.

I believe God taught me a simple lesson last weekend at the beach. While I was contemplating these matters, I happened to glance over to where the rest of the folks I had come with were, and some of the kids were beginning to play in the water - running out to where the waves began crashing onto the beach, then running back screaming and trying (unsuccessfully) not to get wet. Zachary dug a hole and got himself thoroughly dirty in the process. Even the adults got into it, with JT flinging stones into the water to skip them, and William dipping his 1-year old bundled-up baby Sarah so that she could touch the water. As I watched people participating in simple pleasures, I felt that God was letting me know:

Yes, the horizon seems overwhelming to you because I created it to make you feel small. But, you are my child. Go ahead and be awed by the vastness of my horizon... but don't forget that it gives me great joy to see you play in the surf every so often.

I'm going to be seeking, asking, and knocking - waiting on God's timing for whatever Kingdom purpose He has that He wants me to participate in. I hope that I won't forget to enjoy the journey.

Some people see today as the day before Valentine's Day...

I see it as Friday the 13th!

Just kidding. I'm not that depressing.

In the Valentine's spirit, here's a link to a thought-provoking article on the topic of romantic love, and the other types of love as well, based off the theology of one of Tolkien's and CS Lewis' contemporaries at Oxford, Charles Williams. Some good quotes from the article:

For Williams, then, the romantic vision was not confused, but illuminated. The lover sees through the beloved's flaws to the image of God. The lover is not blind to pigeon toes and ill manners but, caught up in love, discerns the true creature, the one who, when perfected in heaven, "you would be strongly tempted to worship." It is this truest and deepest self of the person—the person as created and potentially redeemed by God—that Williams called that person's "eternal identity."

Romantic love (and friendship to a lesser degree) not only recognizes the vastly appealing eternal identity in a man or woman, then, but can draw them toward achieving that glory.

Heart room is what we need so as to dare to love as indiscriminately as Jesus did. The risk of loving is real and terrible. As Capon says, "What is love if it is not the indulgence of the ultimate risk of giving one's self to another over whom we have no control?" We may be rejected. We may be manipulated, cheated, or used. Still, God commands us to love, to love even our enemies, who are indeed likely to reject and use us in return.

Lived in light of our faith, romantic love can help us to love, to love romantically but also with agape love. It can teach us humility and the reality of our dependence on God and others. It can show us, in a special way, the beauty of God—seen through his image in a person he had made. It provides us an arena for sacrifice and charity; it can draw us toward being better than we are or could be on our own. It reminds us of the wonder of gifts, and so that gift of all gifts, grace.

Personal update post to come.

In a hand-to-hand fight to the death...

... what weapon would you choose?

This was a fun discussion topic after dinner last Saturday that, naturally, only the guys participated in. Assuming that you were proficient with the weapon of your choice, and it was indeed an existing or conceivably real weapon (meaning, no lightsabers), what would you choose in a fight?

Typical answers ranged from the classic (Japanese katana) to the quasi-bizarre (the Klingon dual-bladed weapon... any Trekkies wanna help me out with the real name?). Some opted for knives, others for the Chinese longsword (with a tassel... think the Green Destiny from "Crouching Tiger..."). George opted for ninja climbing claws that could be used Wolverine-style to rake people.

We also discussed whether this was a question that could be used to psychoanalyze guys, based on the weapon that they choose. For example, katanas are widely considered the standard for hand-to-hand weapons - light, well-made, sharp, deadly - and thus most guys, when queried, would choose one. Those who went for, say, butterfly swords (curved blades) might have a bit of the flashiness from the fighting style inherent in their own personality. People who chose maces or morningstars could be people who tend to take a very straightforward, bash-your-way through approach to problems and situations while knife-fighters might be more unpredictable and quick-hitting in their thinking. The theory was advanced that some people might intentionally choose something other than the katana because of a personality trait to go against the grain.

I'd probably go for a polearm, like a spear or the Japanese naginata. I like the power behind the longer shaft and the versatility to use the staff as a walking aide, a pole vault, etc. From a personality standpoint, it probably fits me because I think that I tend to engage most people at a distance.

What would you choose?

Another funny link

I will join Seri and Hideyo in their grassroots campaign to get these guys some pub. Be warned, however... the song got stuck in my head for the better part of the day. Also, if you watch it in an office, people may look at you funny when you bust up laughing.

Weekend recap

Opened a very active month of February with an enjoyable and much-needed weekend after a long week at work last week. I calculated it out and figured that I worked for 63 hours, since I ate lunch and dinner at my desk each day and went home close to 11 pm most of the week. More than that though, it was working under the stress of a deadline and the knowledge that I was the one with the primary responsibilities for the deadline that made for a very wearying time.

It's a bit late, but here's a recap for the weekend:

Saturday

One of the most challenging and enjoyable parts of leading congregational worship is song selection. It's a lot of work, but a lot of fun to look for songs that have a continuous theme, or stringing together sections from different parts based on a lyrical/thematic/musical transition. Sometimes, the Holy Spirit will lead you to a particularly meaningful song or songs that hammer home a particular Biblical truth. This past week, after having a particularly difficult time at work, I felt that God needed to reinforce for me an important lesson on a personal level - how to praise Him even when I don't feel like it. We sang the hymn "It is Well With My Soul", written by a man who saw more hardship in a week than I've ever seen in my lifetime, and segued from the last "It is well with my soul" into the bridge of the new-ish Matt Redman song, "Blessed Be Your Name" - "You give and take away / You give and take away / My heart will choose to say / Lord, blessed be Your name." Personally meaningful moment.

In the evening, helped Jeremy L move into the apartment he's going to share with his bride-to-be in a few months, then headed over to Andrea's for a dumpling-making party. Memorable moments/quotes: dumpling surprises (tomato, empty, stuff a peel inside another peel), all the guys drooling over the new iPod, warm apple pie, "They're on a hot date", "Did you know that this PDA records video?"

Sunday

During service, Pastor Dan challenged us to consider what aspects of sin in our lives could be affecting not just ourselves, but the overall health of the church. We then had a time to come before the cross in silence and confess. Combined with the worship time (songs mentioned above) and a bit lighter load this week, I've found it easier to focus my mind on holy things.

Super Bowl... who expected that the game would be as entertaining as it was? It's true that the first and third quarters were rather uninteresting, as both offenses couldn't get anything going, and to compound the issue, the commercials were uninspired. But, once Delhomme and Brady got their rhythm going, the whole thing turned into a shootout. It got to the point where you expected the offense to score, and it would become a matter of who had the ball last.

Incidentally, I missed the controversial halftime incident as I had to log onto work during halftime and a portion of the 3rd quarter. It'll only be a matter of time before "wardrobe malfunction" becomes an entirely overplayed punchline everywhere you turn.

This month: deacons' retreat this weekend, WCC, and a Tahoe trip. I think I better try and get as much sleep during the week as I can since the weekends will be packed...