So weary... and it's only Tuesday. Well, Wednesday, now, I suppose...

Weekend in LA

While the rest of my coworkers were in the office during the weekend, I was given special leeway to spend the weekend in LA for Ted/Anna's wedding. Good time to see the violinists tie the knot, as well as catch up with some old friends who've transplanted down there and newer ones from the area. Special props to Reni and Maurice for hosting a bunch of us and showing us all the good Hawaiian places to eat, and to Danny for forcing me to study some Sunday afternoon in a freezing cold Starbuck's and driving me to the airport.

At Reni and Maurice's, I managed to read through the trade paperbacks of the Batman comic series "Hush" with Jeph Loeb and Jim Lee... brought back memories of when I was a mild fan of Lee's work in X-Men and WildC.A.T.S. We also watched the Chinese version of "Hero", which had slightly different subtitles - I actually preferred the translation of Jet Li's last line in the American version, where instead of saying (spoiler, click and drag) "Remember all the warriors who gave their life for peace" as in the Chinese version, he says, "Remember that a warrior's greatest dream is to lay down his sword." Seemed more poignant in the American because then he literally does that and spares the emperor's life. Maybe someone who knows Mandarin can give me the clearest English translation.

During the wedding, I realized something about myself while I hung back as my friends headed out to the dance floor. I don't know whether this is something springing out of another aspect of my personality or not, but I think I am a habitual analyst/critic. I enjoy observing things I see, hear, and otherwise sense, with a great deal of emphasis on learning, understanding, and appreciating the experience. For example, I typically enjoy music because I can appreciate the poignancy of lyrics, the complexity of rhythms, the intricacy of instrumentals, etc. as opposed to a more nebulous "It sounds good" or "It moves me." That might shed some light as to why I've never really enjoyed "club" type dancing, with its emphasis on fun through spontaneity, since it's something that I don't "know". On the other hand, I'd probably enjoy ballroom or swing dancing more because there is a structure that can be built upon.

Other fun stuff

Came across this quote from The Sports Guy's latest column, referring to the fourth of the most important life lessons he's learned: "The fourth lesson came from my Aunt Jen, who taught me, 'If you're interested in a girl, always meet her Mom because all girls end up eventually turning into their Moms, with no exceptions.' We may need to have Bill James figure out a formula for that one." Is that true?

Check out this link to discover your rap star name, rock star name, pop star name, or country star name. Mine (based on full name / first name):
Rap: Cool Hill / Jam Daddy
Pop: Chad Iglesias / Jordan Carter
Rock: Cal Idol / Kane Cage
Country: Butch Dunn / Jeb Boggs

The profoundly spiritual in the seemingly mundane

This is way late, but here are some notes, quotes, and thoughts that went through my head while Pastor Tim preached on two Sundays ago from Romans 12:1-2 (verses I'm familiar with) and Isaiah 54:2-3 (which I thought might have been a typo while I was preparing the bulletin).

Some phrases and challenges I enjoyed:
- "Worship is the contextualized lordship of Christ wherever you are - redeeming the profoundly secular to the profoundly spiritual."
- "Jesus must be applied to every corner of life and the world to be relevant."
- In the beginning, Genesis 1-2, there is no mention of altar worship, but there is plenty of mention about work.
- Why is it that when presented with the question of, "How's your worship life?" we automatically think of 1) corporate worship times in church, at a retreat or conference, etc., or 2) in personal devotions/quiet times? Why can't we have a heightened spiritual experience of God in our workplace, in our family, and in the very business of life?

When preaching on Romans 12:2 ("Do not conform to the world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind..."), Pastor Tim made the point that the primary trap the world can use to ensnare believers is the concept of rationalization - specifically referring to "giving reasons to what seems to be right but is actually wrong." He then went on to essentially say that the ends rarely, and most likely never, justify the means.

This got me thinking - do the ends ever justify the means?

I think that based on what Scripture reveals about the nature of God, He appears to be concerned primarily with our means than with any ends we might come up with. Are we living lives of integrity? Do we make right choices that honor Him? Several times through Scripture, God basically tells His people, "I'll take care of the ends. Just obey my commands."

However, God is also a God of redemption, one who can redeem bad means to good ends. Sometimes, because of our finite human minds and sinful nature, a decision may not seem clearly right or wrong - and at that time, after prayer, counsel, and discussion, we need to go forth in faith and trust that God can redeem any situation. I don't envy those in public office who appear to be tempted constantly to use bad means under the guise of a pursuit of good ends, particularly in a nation and culture where we appear to place a higher premium on results rather than character. In this, it is comforting to know that God wants us, warts and all, and He is using His means to bring about the ends - transforming a willing people into the likeness of Christ. He's not done with us yet.

If I give my life, if I lay it down / Can You turn this life around, around / Can I be made clean by this offering of my soul / Can I be made whole again - "Whole Again", Jennifer Knapp

Quick Update

Aside from this weekend (where I intend to be in LA for Ted/Anna's wedding), I'm going to be rather scarce for a while:

"As such, I am putting on a requirement for the team to come in to work on weekends (Sat. and Sundays) till we have this release out of the door. In the past, I have been very careful as not to abuse this privilege. But this is a critical moment now. I think it is not an unreasonable requirement for any companies (big or small) when the deadline needs to be met.

Please arrange you weekend schedule accordingly as you have one full week of notice ahead. And please come in normal business hours on the weekend to make it efficient and be considerate for other folks who are in the office on time...

Thanks for your support and thank you for your family's support!"

I'll have to keep sane by trying to stay involved in people's lives remotely rather than in person. We'll see how things go.

One thing I learned this weekend... I have good on-court chemistry with mobile big men running pick and rolls in the half-court offense. However, when I stand around too much waiting for the double and the kickout, I'm not nearly as effective. Too bad Hubert will be moving in November, I think I play particularly well with him.

Also had the opportunity to scare Brian out of his wits on Saturday for a surprise birthday celebration. Kudos to Sherry for organizing a fun get-together with friends from a bunch of different circles, and for prepping massive amounts of sashimi mailed fresh that day from some retailer in San Diego.

After 6 years of no hassles, my guitar is finally giving me a challenge - the pickup jack for the quarter-inch cable came loose and fell into the body of the guitar, and now it's just rattling around in there. I'm going to try to fix it on my own by removing the strings and reaching in with my hand to brace and screw it back in; here's hoping my hand and arm are small enough to get all the way to the edge of the guitar body.

Funny website of the week: Despair.com :-(. Hilarious. The captions are witty and some of the pictures are poignantly absurd. I particularly like this one:



The original Star Wars trilogy came out on DVD today. I'll be picking it up shortly, I'm sure. There has been plenty of hype on TV surrounding the DVD release, such as examining the historical impact of the films on popular culture. I used to be quite the encyclopedic fan... that fervor has cooled off the last few years as the quality of much of the material, ranging from Eps 1-2 to various books and games, has trailed off quite a bit. Plus, I suppose I have more areas to devote my energy and interest in...

Here's a good website detailing some of the picture-quality changes made to the DVD version.

To come in future posts - some thoughts on Pastor Tim's sermon on Sunday, my two "team-first" 5-man NBA squads forming a 10-man rotation, and some reflections on work and life, including why I'm taking the GRE in a month.

How much of that do I agree with?

Reading over some of the INTJ descriptions, I came across some statements that do indeed reflect the way I think:

Natural leaders, Masterminds (INTJs) are not at all eager to take command of projects or groups, preferring to stay in the background until others demonstrate their inability to lead.

This describes me surprisingly well... I didn't even think about it in this way beforehand. I usually think of leader types as charismatic people who inspire trust and confidence in their followers; ones who can connect well with people and know how to motivate them to do their best. Since I have very little charisma and am lacking in people skills, I feel like many of the leadership scenarios I find myself in are primarily task-driven - getting things done because that is the stated goal. I think I have a lot to learn in the definition of leadership where the leader is truly the servant of those he leads, enabling them to grow and to do the tasks that need to be done.

INTJs know what they know, and perhaps still more importantly, they know what they don't know.

This is probably one of the more important lessons I've learned in the past five years or so - to not be afraid to say "I don't know." The world isn't going to end because I can't solve every problem or answer every question. Even more than that, it has been an eye-opening experience to realize that much of the time, it is important to say that I don't or can't do something in order to give someone else the opportunity to fulfill potential that they have in that area. "It is more blessed to give than receive" - Acts 20:35. If I'm taking every opportunity to do something, particularly when it's not in my area of expertise, I may be denying someone the blessing of being able to give of their abilities and talents in that area.

In the broadest terms, what INTJs "do" tends to be what they "know". Typical INTJ career choices are in the sciences and engineering, but they can be found wherever a combination of intellect and incisiveness are required (e.g., law, some areas of academia).

Hm... science and engineering... sounds familiar...

A longer quote:
Personal relationships, particularly romantic ones, can be the INTJ's Achilles heel. While they are capable of caring deeply for others (usually a select few), and are willing to spend a great deal of time and effort on a relationship, the knowledge and self-confidence that make them so successful in other areas can suddenly abandon or mislead them in interpersonal situations.

This happens in part because many INTJs do not readily grasp the social rituals; for instance, they tend to have little patience and less understanding of such things as small talk and flirtation (which most types consider half the fun of a relationship). To complicate matters, INTJs are usually extremely private people, and can often be naturally impassive as well, which makes them easy to misread and misunderstand. Perhaps the most fundamental problem, however, is that INTJs really want people to make sense. :-) This sometimes results in a peculiar naivete', paralleling that of many Fs -- only instead of expecting inexhaustible affection and empathy from a romantic relationship, the INTJ will expect inexhaustible reasonability and directness.

Probably the strongest INTJ assets in the interpersonal area are their intuitive abilities and their willingness to "work at" a relationship. Although as Ts they do not always have the kind of natural empathy that many Fs do, the Intuitive function can often act as a good substitute by synthesizing the probable meanings behind such things as tone of voice, turn of phrase, and facial expression. This ability can then be honed and directed by consistent, repeated efforts to understand and support those they care about, and those relationships which ultimately do become established with an INTJ tend to be characterized by their robustness, stability, and good communications.

Yup, this sounds just about right. I am willing to admit that I don't know anything about social rituals, particularly in the context of a romantic relationship (the language of the giving of flowers, for example, is something that is totally and utterly beyond me). Plus, I generally assume that most people will make sense at some level - and I'll work at trying to understand them. Thing is, as George pointed out (BTW, George has a blog now!), sometimes women just don't make sense. Ah well. I suspect this is an area of callowness in my personality that could have been different had I grown up with a sister, but hopefully I'll figure something out eventually.

Humanmetrics

While waiting for 45 minutes for an installation, I went ahead and took the abbreviated Meyers-Briggs personality test linked off of Alvin's blog. My results:

Your Type is
INTJ

Introverted	Intuitive	Thinking	Judging
Strength of the preferences %
44	33	67	67

Qualitative analysis of your type formula

You are:

• moderately expressed introvert
  
• moderately expressed intuitive personality
  
• distinctively expressed thinking personality
  
• distinctively expressed judging personality

Keirsey's INTJ description
Butt and Heiss' INTJ description

Odds and ends

While my ants post below was intended to be tongue-in-cheek, Richard, in an IM conversation, made the good point that it doesn't make sense to gripe about things that are doing what they were created to do. People in other times and other parts of the world have probably adapted better to handling these little critters on a regular basis... why is it that they are considered nuisances in this particular society? Something to think about.

41-14. Roll on you Bears! This offense is looking almost NFL-quality. Good balance of smashmouth running and timely passing... almost reminscent of the late '90s Broncos with Elway and Terrell Davis.

Helped wash quite a few of our neighbors' cars (30-something) today as part of the Canaan community car wash today... 'twas gorgeous weather, and it's also sometimes a lot of fun to work with your hands. Maybe we'll have the opportunity to see some of our visitors at our church sometime. In the evening, a bunch of us hung out at Torence and Nicole's place in Fremont where we rediscovered the fun of Mario Tennis and experienced bocce ball for the first time.

Lyric snippet of the day: "Crooked Deep Down", Derek Webb's meditation on how deep down, we are despicable people and all equally in need of a Savior. The second stanza particularly rings true during those times where I find myself grappling hard with my own weakness and inability to be holy.

My life looks good I do confess
You can ask anyone
Just don’t ask my real good friends 'cause they will lie to you
Or worse, they'll tell the truth

‘Cause there are things you would not believe that travel into my mind
I swear I try and capture them
But I always set them free
It seems bad things comfort me 'cause

Good lord I’m crooked deep down
Everyone is crooked deep down

Open letter to ants

I know that you guys help do good things in the soil and all that. Plus you were kinda fun to watch in "Antz" and "A Bug's Life."

But you have your territory, and I have mine.

We need to lay down the law about these boundaries. Why can't you enjoy the great outdoors? You get plenty of sunshine, there's plenty of junk on the ground to eat, and I'll try my darndest not to bother you. Heck, if you want, you can even help yourself to our curbside garbage can before I bring it out for the trucks to haul it away.

However, when you come into the house, that is when I will declare war. No holds barred, no quarter given. You won't be safe from poison, the vacuum cleaner, damp paper towels, or even my preferred method, the pad of my thumb. I have crushed more of your kind than I would like to admit. In some parts of the house, I even leave some spiders alone so that they can feast on you. Last night's massacre left a long trail of ant parts across the hallway... and yet I find you again in my sink when I go to brush my teeth this morning.

Take a hint, will you? Stay away. Are the crumbs on that dishrag really worth dying for?

Think about it.

Bob

Things that go bump in the night

Anyone else feel the earthquake at 3:30 am last night?

Check it out: link

The epicenter was right in my neighborhood!

'Course, it was only 3.4 on the Richter scale, but I was jolted awake all the same. I remember thinking to myself, "Maybe I should get under my desk," but decided that if I got crushed by something, I'd have passed on peacefully in my sleep. Plus, I was finally getting some good rest!

Messiah, I know You are there / Within, without, holding me / Messiah, I know You are there / Catching, carrying this beautiful mess - "Within a Room Somewhere", Album: This Beautiful Mess, Sixpence None the Richer

Ever have one of those days where your consciousness seems to be completely separated from your body? Where you don't feel much like a person but rather like a blob of protoplasm making its way through the world?

That's pretty much how I feel right now. I usually have no problems sleeping, but for some reason last night I was tossing and turning with torso pains and the heat for several hours, and now I'm having difficulty focusing on anything. Everything seems disconnected and my physical, mental, and spiritual senses all seem dulled. My body is sore, my synapses fire slowly, and I feel more distant from God than I have in a while due to sin. I seem to be pretty messed up. And even though I might cognitively know that Jesus is there and can carry me in my weeakness, it's really difficult to take grasp of that promise right now.

This is kind of a shot in the dark, but I also did some research on the West Nile Fever at the Center for Disease Control, since I've counted approximately 8 mosquito bites on my legs and feet from the past few days. Some symptoms include:
- fever - can't really tell, since you can't really check to see if you yourself are warm
- headache - somewhat
- tiredness - yes
- body aches - yes
- skin rash - not yet
- swollen lymph glands - not yet
- incubation time of 2-15 days - I got bit on Sunday evening and started feeling it Wednesday morning, so that's about right

'Course, I'm probably just being paranoid... but I'll probably try to rest more today and tomorrow and let my immune system get to work.

Two things to highlight from the long weekend... after church on Sunday, headed up to Andy and Pam's housewarming where they entertained probably around 40 of their friends and family over the course of the afternoon. Got to catch up with old college friends, eat one of every type of animal, enjoy the sunset, and play a little poker, all while accumulating the aforementioned mosquito bites.

Monday morning, got up bright and early (for a holiday, heh) at 9:30 am to play a few hours of basketball. As the temperature eventually climbed up into the mid-90s, I realized quickly that I'm not as fit as I would like to be. Since I hadn't played with most of the people before (friends of Alvin), I probably ended up ballhogging more than I should have... but from what I could tell I was typically the only one on my team capable of getting my own shot off. I was quite wasted the rest of the day though.

Glue guys

Last week, I interviewed a candidate for my company in the tech pub division. When I was done with my questions, he asked me what I did. I described the many hats that I wear here (at a small company, everyone has to multitask in some way, but I have to cover more areas than average) - release manager, test engineer, liaison between the test team, the support team and the management team, etc... and he said, "Ah, so you're a glue guy."

The more that I think about it, the more I realize that this is a role that I aspire to and generally conform to in many areas of my life, including my professional one. Glue guys are basically the members of a team that you can call on to do whatever it takes to win a game - sealing in the gaps to solidify the overall result. They generally are good in a lot of areas but not spectacular in any, and are willing to step up wherever they can be used. In particular, perhaps their greatest gift is being an enabler for other people to do better than they usually do.

In basketball, a glue guy might be the second or third offensive option making the extra pass, rewarding teammates for hustling, hitting open shots, and playing smart position defense. In a company, a glue guy might be the one who can help decipher other people's issues, keep tabs on the larger picture of what's being worked on in relation to the goal, and encourage team members to not get discouraged. In a ministry, there are many opportunities to be glue - praying in the background, setting up and cleaning up, giving rides, and basically trying to serve people.

I've always kind of identified with people I see filling these roles... the Shane Battiers and Brent Barrys playing off the ball, the rhythm guitarist in a band setting the foundation for others to riff of of, even the understated loyal movie character who might not have top billing on the marquee, beat the bad guy, or get the girl, but instead does what he does well and perhaps sacrifices something in the process...

I think that my personality and my gifts are generally well-suited for this sort of role because a) I don't like the spotlight and b) I have skills and knowledge in several areas that I'm involved in, but not really mind-blowingly awesome talent. I'm not a brilliant programmer or network administrator, I'm not an unstoppable scorer or ballhandling wizard, and I'm not an extraordinarily gifted lay minister in the church... but God's placed me in places and situations where I can be a help to people who are extraordinarily talented, in order for them to excel. It also helps to keep me humble because it affords me more opportunity to stop looking at myself and my performance, and instead to take enjoyment in the success of others, knowing that perhaps I played some small role in that.

As I continue to explore my gifts, interests and talents in professional and spiritual realms, here's hoping that God will continue to grant me the ability and the willingness to serve others so that they can draw nearer to Him - filling in those gaps so that they might have something to stand on.