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One of the funnier things I've ever seen. "I have no professional trayening." However, I think I still got a kick out of it more when they just had him in the commercials.

A strangely addicting game. My high is 529.5, I think on the web people have gotten as high as 593.5.

Aside from silence, music is the only way to express the inexpressible

Picked up the above saying sometime during my college years. After re-reading the chapter on Solitude this morning in Foster's Celebration of Discipline (which I'm going through with my bro), I felt compelled to turn off my CDs and radio for the half-hour drive to work. While I love and enjoy music and certainly won't be giving it up any time soon, it really is amazing to feel the ways your mind goes when it's not being occupied by something specific. I think I'm going to try silence in the morning more often.

Not after work though. My brain is so fried that I need music to keep me sane.

This has been a difficult work week. Release on Friday, been staying till nearly 11 each night so far while eating lunch and dinner at my desk. Coupled with some ill-remembered mild arm soreness, I've felt the stirrings of some old resentments from last year - why am I doing this? Is this worth it from a financial standpoint? An experiential standpoint? Why don't I care much, and would I care more if I had more of my desire and passion wrapped up in this company's work? Should I even want that?

I know I'm being petty, and I hate it, but it's becoming harder to turn my mind to holy things. I need to pray.

A weekend in SoCal

Got back this evening from a long weekend for Byron and Maria's wedding in SoCal. Here's a brief account of what transpired:

Thursday
Took off from work at 6 pm, quite possibly the earliest I've left the office since I left mid-day last year for Tomio and Alice's wedding rehearsal. Met up with George, JT, Karen, Andrew N, Mike P, Andrea, and my bro to make the drive down to LA (the latter wasn't going to the wedding but hitched a ride down to check out UCLA law). After a drive that included walkie-talkie games of "guess that song" and "guess that movie quote", we rolled into Rancho Palos Verdes at around 2 am and crashed Mike P's place. Surprisingly, his parents were up and we were amazed at their hospitality - each room had bedding/pillow/clean towel/bottle of water. Props.

Friday
Slept in and started the day around 10:30 am, rehearsing the special music and wedding worship songs while the skit team ran through their script and assembled props. Hung out at a beach near RPV and enjoyed the 70 degree weather (in January! only in Southern California), taking some pics, then went sightseeing around Byron/Joy/Mike's old neighborhood. Had lunch in Torrance at The Loft, a Hawaiian restaurant, then checked into the hotel and made our way to the wedding rehearsal to get tuned up and watch the wedding party goof off and hang out around the sanctuary.

That evening, had the rehearsal dinner at Buca Di Beppo where I had the chance to eat and converse with Byron, his friend Bryon, and Dick A from OMF. Afterwards, headed back to the hotel and hung out in our room watching ESPN Classic (Bulls-Lakers '91) and going into our MST3K schtick for TNT "classics" like "Cobra" (Stallone) and "Lionheart" (Van Damme). Observation - as soon as we left the coast/hills of RPV and went down closer to the LA valley proper, my sinuses started acting up. I'm typically not very allergic to things; could it have been a reaction to the LA atmosphere?

Saturday
Got up late, went to Quizno's for lunch, then changed and got to the church early to set up and do a last few run-throughs. The wedding was wonderful - the bride and groom were radiant, the string quartet was great, worship/special music went smoothly. My favorite part of wedding ceremonies is usually the acknowledgement of parents - both Byron and Maria took out tissues to dry their eyes during that portion. I can only imagine what it must feel like to see your son or daughter up at the altar, ready to begin a new life both apart from and as a part of the old families. Byron did in fact look older, as he appeared to stand straighter than usual, and I think the wedding band on his finger adds 5-7 years to appearance. The reception at NBC Restaurant in Monterey Park was a pretty standard Chinese banquet, with good food, funny stories from the best man/maid of honor ("Just imagine a tree blowing in the wind" - description of Byron dancing), a skit from the very talented drama folks at Canaan ("My preciousssss"), and plenty of dinging. After wishing the bride and groom well, headed back to the hotel to unwind and hung out with Tomio, Eric T, Mike L and Mark C in their room discussing conversation topics such as "What hand-to-hand weapon would you choose in a fight?", the previously-blogged "Predator vs. Terminator vs. Alien" combat, the growing popularity of Texas Hold'Em Poker, and Streetball on ESPN.

Sunday
Woke up bright and early to attend Bread of Life's morning English service. Had a good time looking into God's Word in Romans 3 and hearing Doug Carson expound on concepts like redemption, propitiation, and the reason why the popularly-used Christian analogy of a judge pronouncing the sentence and then serving the sentence in lieu of the criminal isn't an accurate picture of God's love. In the latter case, the primary reason is that in the courtroom, the criminal has not committed the offense against the judge but rather against the system, and the judge is but an administrator of the system. In the spiritual sense, our sin is against God Himself, and only the one who has set the standard and has been rejected can offer justice (through Christ's death), righteousness (through faith) and compassion (through love). Interesting stuff.

After service, we grabbed a quick lunch (food in LA is quite cheap and pretty good) then headed back up. Fun weekend.

Sobering reminder of my own selfishness this morning...

As I was idling in my car on the freeway in the midst of a twice-as-long-as-usual 1 hour morning commute, my mind was filled with resentment. I had planned on getting in early to the office this morning since I need to leave early to head down to LA, but as the clock kept ticking I found myself mentally berating traffic lights that all seemed to have it in for me, the drivers who were clogging up lanes in front of me by doing last-minute lane changes, the highway planners who didn't realize the impact of taking away a lane... I was being very petty.

I then found myself swerving to avoid a detached, crushed bumper and broken glass from a 4-car accident on 237 East that was the cause of the slowdown. From what I could see, at least two of the cars were totaled. I pray that the drivers are okay.

God, forgive me for my selfishness.

Quick update

Events of the past few days...

- Lively youth group involving duct taping people to walls, discussing parental roles in monitoring their children's entertainment, violence in media
- Helped Drew W move in with Mark, ran into James VZ, old friendly acquaintance from elementary/jr high/high school who apparently knew Drew from Princeton. 'Tis a small world indeed.
- Played pickup ball w/ Anthony L at Calabazas Park and attempted to guard an unusually skilled 6'1", 200+ lb beefy guy who played like a guard. Good handle, good shot, good rebounding, so I basically just tried to tire him out by picking up on defense right past half court. Best personal play: from the right wing, drive baseline, plant to fake the reverse, and lay the ball in backwards with the left hand. Good time to catch up w/ Anthony as well.
- Missionary sharing by Jonathan and Annie S at Canaan Sat. night. Always encouraging to hear stories of how God is working in other parts of the world. It was cute to see their 2-year old Joani playing with 9 month old Lucas - sometimes it looked like they were waltzing.
- Youth group helped lead children's worship. Kids seemed to enjoy the liveliness of the change in program, including games like Big Wind Blows and building the tallest object with your dominant hand taped down.
- Consistory meeting, hoops at Farley. Tomio M twisted his knee on an awkward landing; praise God that it appears to be just a sprain and since it's his left, he can still drive. Here's hoping he finds other ways to get exercise. Fun atmosphere as bystanders hanging out at the house gave all the people playing nicknames and thus the air was full of cheesy catchphrases.
- Sunday family feast - hot pot, filet mignon, rack of lamb, potatoes, cabbage, other good stuff
- Byron's last Sunday hangout as a single guy - MarioKart on GameCube, lots of admiration of the nice TV, I strung my guitar w/o lots of help for the first time. You'd think that I'd be better at it by now, but no, I'm just lazy in stringing my guitar.
- Good time tonight (Tues) discussing the Spiritual Discipline of Simplicity with my bro. Here's hoping we can finish the book before he takes off for law school, speaking of which, he's gotten into several already. Praise God for that!
- Upcoming weekend will see much of Canaan headed down to SoCal for Byron and Maria's wedding. Looking forward to it.

A fire shut up in my bones...

Why do I write?

A while back I noticed that a lot of bloggers were going through dry spells of keeping their blogs, wondering whether it was worth it, etc. Since I feel like I got in on this fad earlier than most other people (check out my archives! I'm not very prolific, but I'm an old-timer) I considered the question from my own perspective. While I was thinking, a verse came to mind:

But if I say, "I will not mention [God] or speak any more in his name," his word is in my heart like a fire, a fire shut up in my bones. I am weary of holding it in; indeed, I cannot. - Jeremiah 20:9

When looking back at my old bookshelf a while ago, I noticed an old journal that I kept when I was in grade school. I had to laugh at my writing - I recorded some really, really boring things - but I felt enriched by the experience. Since college, I've (somewhat irregularly) kept a journal of thoughts, events, and ideas, simply because going back through those pages brings snapshots of memories to mind and in a way, seem to lengthen the years that I've been alive. I've heard many people lament that time seems to be going by so quickly... but I've found that just investing a little bit of time to write down even seemingly mundane parts of my life helps me remember so many things and parts of my worldview that would have faded from memory as I grew older. As I look back, I can see how my worldview has been changed and influenced, and since becoming a believer in Jesus Christ, I can rather clearly see the guiding hand of God all along the way.

I suppose that's why I keep this blog. Some people write to keep their friends and family updated; I feel that I write more as a testimony to myself - to continually repeat God's story in my life and reinforce who I am and who I am becoming. I hope that others might benefit from some of the truths I've seen borne out in my life, but even if not, like Jeremiah, I can't help but continue to chronicle His work in me.

This page is called "Musings of a Blindman"... "Blindman" was a handle I chose for myself freshman year at Berkeley when we were setting up our email accounts. It was originally a double-sided joke - 1) I don't see very well (see profile for my prescription), and 2) it's a lame pun based off of my first initial and last name ("B Lin d man"). However, the name has since taken on more of a spiritual meaning for me. A few years ago at Canaan during an evangelism workshop, we took a "personality test" of sorts that gauged the general manner in which you witness Christ to others. My results were closest to the blind man whose story shows up in John 9 - he was healed by Jesus and had his sight restored. His neighbors, friends, and finally the council of Pharisees began questioning him, asking him how this happened, and the formerly blind man kept saying that he didn't know how Jesus had done it, but that he had been healed. Finally, he kind of puts it together in this exchange (v. 24-30):

A second time they summoned the man who had been blind. "Give glory to God," they said. "We know this man is a sinner."
He replied, "Whether he is a sinner or not, I don't know. One thing I do know. I was blind but now I see!"
Then they asked him, "What did he do to you? How did he open your eyes?"
He answered, "I have told you already and you did not listen. Why do you want to hear it again? Do you want to become his disciples, too?"
Then they hurled insults at him and said, "You are this fellow's disciple! We are disciples of Moses! We know that God spoke to Moses, but as for this fellow, we don't even know where he comes from."
The man answered, "Now that is remarkable! You don't know where he comes from, yet he opened my eyes. We know that God does not listen to sinners. He listens to the godly man who does his will. Nobody has ever heard of opening the eyes of a man born blind. If this man were not from God, he could do nothing."

I will readily claim that I don't have all the answers, and I'm certainly not always right. But I know that I've been and am being changed, and I believe it's through God that this is being accomplished. So, whether there are others that read this or whether it's for my own benefit - I'm gonna continue to write about this journey.

Addendum... incidentally, I don't know if anyone actually reads this blog... but I do find it amusing that within a few days of my posting the link to the LOTR personality test I found on a message board, I've seen it on several other people's blogs.

Catching up...

I'm currently more zoned in at ping-pong at the office than I am at basketball. For years, my forehand has been a weakness, but I think sometime in the last 2 weeks a switch went on and I'm now starting to put away points with my forehand. Anthony L, if you're reading this... I'm still using the same paddle I used back when we played in high school. 'Twas smart to keep it in a zippered bag, as the rubber is remarkably well-preserved.

Just going to jot down thoughts, memories, and quotes from the past few weeks for later processing, ranging from W4C to New Year's to last weekend.

W4C
Went for one day of West Coast Chinese Christian Conference, which took place up at Mt. Hermon in the Santa Cruz Mountains. When you drive by yourself in the Santa Cruz mountains on 17, it can actually be kinda fun taking curves a little bit faster than I would go were I transporting passengers. Ran into Frank L and Wilma K from college and had the chance to catch up with each of them, and also made a few new friends.

Funny story: the theme worship song for the conference was one composed by the worship band, and as many conference attendees are Cantonese, the band started the song in English and then moved into Cantonese. It was a pretty upbeat song, and so people began clapping during the English singing on beats 2 and 4. When we moved into the Cantonese verse, the clapping switched to 1 and 3 - in the same song!. If you happen to attend a church with both English and Asian congregations, you'll understand why I was having a hard time keeping a smile off my face.

The plenary speakers, Dr. JP Moreland and Hudson Taylor, were both very good, but I suspect that more of their teaching would have stuck with me if I had been around for the entire conference rather than just a day. Incidentally, the latter (Taylor), the son of the Hudson Taylor who is considered to be one of the pioneers of the Christian missions movement to China, was born and raised in China and so was actually more fluent in Mandarin than in English. It was a bit disconcerting, but kinda cool, to see this 70+ year old Caucasian male throwing in phrases in Mandarin while preaching in English, and even asking his Chinese translator (who was translating into Cantonese) what a particular Mandarin phrase meant in English ("da guay, shao guay" -> "big devil, little devil").

Most memorable lessons from the weekend came from a workshop I attended on "The Biblical role of manhood and womanhood," dealing with Jesus' teachings on the family. While overall it was very solid and addressed sometimes-controversial issues with truth and gentleness, the primary thing that stood out was when he was addressing an audience question from a female Berkeley pre-optometry student about the struggle that some Christian women go through, because they work so hard to equip themselves for a job, and then after marriage and children, they're sometimes expected to give that up to manage the home and be the primary caregiver. The workshop leader gave a pretty poignant answer (paraphrasing): "There's nothing wrong with women in the workplace, and God calls different people - both men and women - to all walks of life. One thing that He does make clear, however, is that if He's given you and your spouse a family, its well-being is your primary concern. Never sacrifice family for anything. Work out breadwinning and caregiving roles between husband and wife, but don't sacrifice the family." This seems to be reinforced by Biblical passages on instructions for deacons and elders, saying that an important qualification for leading a church is to lead one's family well.

The other lesson was primarily an exhortation not related to the workshop topic - "God created man to work. He has also created His people as citizens of the heavenly realm, with eternal life promised to those who are faithful. He only keeps His faithful people here long enough to complete the work they've been assigned. Therefore, work hard so you can go home."

New Year's weekend
New Year's weekend... celebrated at James and Luwen's place. Beforehand, had dinner with George, Eric, and Olivia at Miyake where we chowed on rolls and discussed the topic of how we would raise our children if they happened to be prodigies at something (sparked by a conversation I had with Danny a while back). It's a fun conversation topic, particularly when you pull out the Billy Elliott theme and ask guys what they'd do if their son wanted to become, say, a ballet dancer. Haha... I think for me, I'd want to make sure to develop my child's passion and enjoyment of whatever he's good at rather than forcing him to do it because he's good at it... if that's successful, then what he/she does isn't as big of a deal.

'Twas at James and Luwen's where the Texas Hold'em poker craze infected my group of friends. On a whim, Eric brought his professional poker set and the rest of us started learning the ins and outs of blinds, bluffs, and raking in the bling. Okay, sorry, I just wanted to get that "bl" alliteration in there :-). As it turned out, a few of us (JT, Karen, Joy, Andrew W, Eon) got so into it over that weekend that the next day (New Year's Day), we watched "The Italian Job" (decent flick) in the evening, finished at around midnight, and then stayed up till 4 am playing poker again, using Scrabble tiles as chips.

That Saturday, helped Maria and George move, then collectively thumbed our noses at the mad cow scare by going out to eat Korean bbq in the evening.

Past weekend
Last Saturday we celebrated Byron's bachelor party. He and Maria are getting married in a week and a half down in LA, so almost all of my church's English congregation is heading down. Obviously I can't put details of the festivities down in this public forum, but let's say that the following things were involved: duct tape, marshmallows, saran wrap, cheetos, whipped/shaving cream, pink, guitar, push broom, white cape, white beard, white wig. We also played some basketball, had dinner at Todai, and spent some time in sharing and prayer. Byron was a pretty good sport through everything we made him do. Eric thought the hazing was too tame though.

Random sermon notes
A few notes about the idea of success from a sermon a while back based on Phil 3:12-14 ("Pressing on toward the goal...") and 2 Tim 4:6-8 ("fought the good fight...")
- Success sometimes fails to satisfy because the desired end is not our desire
- God is the end to end all ends - 2 Tim 4:8
- Success is often less about what you get, but about who recognizes and affirms you
- What are you trying to prove and to who?
- Calling = Purpose + Uniqueness

Lyrics of the day - Rich Mullins

Listened to my Songs 2 CD from one of my spiritual heroes, Rich Mullins, on the way to work today. Some lyrical highlights:

Somewhere amidst these ins and these outs / There's a fine line of purpose I follow even now - "Somewhere"

I've gone so far from my home / I've seen the world and I have known / So many secrets I wish now I did not know / 'Cause they have crept into my heart / They have left it cold and dark / And bleeding, bleeding and falling apart... / Well we are children no more, we have sinned and grown old... / What kept You waiting for me all that time / Was Your love stronger than my foolish pride? - "Growing Young"

And if I were a painter I do not know which I'd paint / The calling of the ancient stars or assembling of the saints / And there's so much beauty around us for just two eyes to see / But everywhere I go, I'm looking - "Here in America"

And when my body lies in the ruins of the lies that nearly ruined me / Will You pick up the pieces that were pure and true / And breathe Your life into them and set them free? - "Be With You"

Apparently my LOTR personality is that of a blond female elf.

A little while back, I mentioned that some of my friends were having a discussion as to which character from LOTR we were most like in terms of personality. Well, the folks at this link have gone ahead and made up a test based on the Meyers-Briggs personality profiles and corresponded them to characters from the book. I tried it twice and got the same result each time:

You are most like
Galadriel, the Lady of Lorien

Like many elves, Galadriel has a rich inner life and a level of mystery. Although elves say both yes and no when sought for counsel, their insight is valuable. She has exceptional empathic abilities.
You are likely to be quiet, and gentle, enjoying helping other people grow and realize their potential. Others may view you as mystical. Time alone is important and solitary activities refresh you. You have a tendency to introspection. While providing compassion and being considerate, you may have the tendency of being soft-hearted or even "too emotional" You try to schedule your life as much as possible. You tend to finish your work before resting.

The Orcs display the evil side of this personality with their lengthy torture methods.

Traits: Empathic, benevolent, looking to the future. On the dark side you could be sadistic.

---

I think I preferred being an Ent.

Will eventually write up a post just to catch up on the happenings of the past few weeks.

Yeesh... sometimes I think that if you went into our company bathroom and lit a match, the whole building would explode.

Lyric of the day: You're dangerous because you're honest / You're dangerous because you know what you want - U2

Sorry about the late email replies and lack of posts lately. One of the new things for me in this new year has been a host of new duties and responsibilities for me at work, so I haven't finished processing everything from 2003 or even from the last few weeks. I'll eventually catch up, but gotta make sure the year doesn't leave me behind in the first week!

Funny NBA quotes

Happy New Year! Gonna recap my weekend in a minute, but first, here's a bunch of amusing quotes from NBA players and coaches culled from various sources:

Barkley: "I can not believe that Dan Rather didn't just kill Saddam Hussein when he was interviewing him, and that would have saved us all that money going to war."
Ernie Johnson: "How do you reckon Dan Rather would have pulled that off?"
Barkley: "He could have said 'Hey Saddam, let's go get something to eat' and then stabbed him in the neck with a fork. That could have saved us $26 billion dollars we're giving to Turkey. We could have used that money to fix the public school system here in America...You think a real fork or a salad fork?"
EJ: "I don't think a salad fork is getting it done."

"It's beyond explanation. It's mind-boggling. There are some things you can't understand -- the Kennedy assassination, where the aliens are hiding and our ups and downs. Oh, and Stonehenge." -- Troy Murphy, on Golden State's inconsistency.

"He's white normally, but he's really white now." -- Larry Brown, on Keith Van Horn being sick.

"I forgive him. He's my teammate, he made a mistake, and I can't retaliate, trying to fight him or beat him up, because I'm on probation, so I would get in trouble." -- Ruben Patterson, forgiving, sort of, Zach Randolph.

"If it was a statement from Michael Jordan or Larry Bird, you take it seriously. But you're talking about Chucky Atkins. It doesn't carry any weight." -- Jason Kidd, after Chucky Atkins said the Nets would always be second fiddle to the Knicks.

"Have you seen the And 1 Tour on TV? That's ruining the game for a generation of kids by convincing them that's basketball. It's not basketball. It's pure entertainment. It's not bad for what it is. But it's not going to help the U.S. reclaim its spot at the top of the basketball world. It's not going to help advance the game." -- Calvin Murphy, Hall of Famer.

"My thought on Rodman is this: I will keep an open mind, but I have concerns. Will a 42-year-old player be an asset or an asset without the 'e-t'?" -- Jeff Bzdelik, Denver coach.

"[We're] running on bloody stumps because we are shooting ourselves in the foot repeatedly." -- Jeff Van Gundy, on the Rockets effort.

"He's keeping the fire at my back the whole time and I've got one glass of water. You have to understand, I've got one glass of water and he's got a whole lot of fire." -- Yao Ming, on Jeff Van Gundy.

See the full list here.